Random Ramblings.

justafanboy:

the-legit-alois:

harrysthefather:

tony-can-pierce-my-veil:

gettin-nakie-outside:

witchyroses:

kickthebuttstickz:

fantasticallyshantastic:

stickyhunter:

fanuary:

stickyhunter:

ollivandur:

adxn:

Calm your tits! D:!

i’M TRYING But IT’s HARDER THAN IT LOOKS

HOLD UP! I have a solution to this!

Follow my lead, people!

Simply pat your boobs and tell say ‘Everything will be fine. It’s okay.’

Then everything will be fine.

You dumb females. This is obviously fake.

Huh? What is this?

YE DID NOT HEAD MY WARNING

Okay…

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN

This is the only “hey girls” that I fully support

I wonder what mine do…

MYGOD

IDONT EVEN CARE HOW LONG THIS POST IS THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN YM ENTIRE LIFE

Can we look at that guy in the Thor T-shirt and how he looks like Thor?

or Jesus. 

He’s jesthor

(Source: ollivander, via thetardiswillcomeforme)

theamericankid:

Tumblr needs more of this….whatever this is.

(via thefandomlyfe)

bbanditt:

chongthenomad:

so my family went to the tulip fields and my little sister didn’t have a good time at all

WHY IS THAT ONE FUCKING TULIP A DIFFERENT COLOR I WOULD BE UPSET TOO

(via thefandomlyfe)

thearcanetheory:

fuckingrecipes:

DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?

WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)

RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT  1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.

THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!
THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.

ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.

“CHRISTMAS”
CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.
USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT.
THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.

THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER.

NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.

THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMED

THE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI  ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.

RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.

TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.

FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.  

YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.
TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.

 

WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”

Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.

(via thefandomlyfe)

mama-bird:

coffeeandklonopin:

coffeeandklonopin:

carpe diem - seize the day

carpe noctem - seize the night

carpe natem - seize the ass

Seriously, if you guys don’t stop reblogging this I am going to carpe someone’s neck and break it.

carpe collum - seize the neck

(Source: caffeineandcartridges, via thefandomlyfe)

jaclcfrost:

a second ago

had you a second ago

what the fucking shit

(via madturbating)

madturbating:

drowningchimes:

succeeds:

somebody explain this to me omg 

This is bugging me, too. Never crossed my mind. 

(Source: shavingryansprivates)

toastedpopsicle:

madmadamemolly:

growlywolf:

choochoomothafucka:

Source

What gay men give to the world.  A-yup.

On the second one.

There’s this one gay club I go to that actually has a problem of straight guys going there to dance with girls.  I guess these guys don’t understand that girls can also be gay, because they assume that any girls at the club are there with their gay guy friends.

So one night I was out on the dance floor, and I see this guy.  He’s like over six-foot, at least, all beefed-up, muscle shirt, looks kindof like a douchebag.  And he’s just circling the dance floor, in one continuous loop, looking at the crowd like a predator, and it’s creeping me the fuck out.

It’s creeping me out enough that I don’t immediately realize what’s going on nearby.  Some girl has attracted one of the Assholes, who has proceeded to begin grinding on her.  She’s pushing him away, telling him to get lost.  He’s pulling that whole, “come on, don’t be a bitch” spiel, and generally just not getting the message.

BAM.  Suddenly, the prowling guy swoops in, like some sort of Gay Avenger.  He shoves himself between the girl and the Asshole, grabs the Asshole by the hips, and starts dirty dancing him like a God-damned fuck machine.  Asshole completely flips his shit, like how DARE another man try to dance with him at a GAY BAR???, starts spitting curses, and tears ass off the dance floor and out onto the sidewalk.

The Gay Avenger turns back to the girl, inclines his head in an, “are you okay?” sort of gesture.  She nods, and he returns to his previous position of circling the dance floor, looking for his next target.

Told this story to some guys upstairs.  Apparently Gay Avenger is a regular there.

someone write a comic book about Gay Avenger.

(Source: wicc4n, via thefandomlyfe)

thedemoncloset:

sodamnrelatable:

WHERE IS IT OH GOD WHICH ONE IS POSSESSED

CONGRATULIONS,

YOU WON

Oh my fuck, this happens to me all the time.

(via thefandomlyfe)

little-uno:

thatstoomainstream:

It’s weird how in animals seeing ribs/collar&hip bones is considered sick or even abusive, but in people that’s considered beautiful.

This may have just changed my life.

(via thefandomlyfe)